Wu-Tang: Douche is as Douche Does

The one-and-only copy of the Wu-Tang Clan album Once Upon a Time in Shaolin sold at auction for 2 million dollars and people are up-in-arms about the buyer. The buyer in question would be Martin Shkreli, aka, King Douche Bag of the pharmaceutical industry – an industry controlled exclusively by douche bags. The internet is outraged that this gaping asshole would swoop in and snatch up this fantastical Object d’ Art and deprive humanity of its power and beauty in much the same way he attempted to horde all the AIDS meds for himself.


Seems like a hip-hop fan, right?

No question that Shkreli is pure scum of the highest order, but the Wu-Tang purchase is just par-for-the-course. It’s the scorpion stinging the frog. If people want to get angry they are directing it at the wrong place. If this whole scenario smacks of the white devil co-opting the black man’s soul then the object of your ire should be none other than the Wu themselves. Seriously, putting out a “one-of-a-kind” album and locking it up in a vault at a billion dollar Moroccan hotel is a total douche move that is specifically designed to entice other entitled douche bags to out bid each other for the privilege of letting the world know what complete and total douche bags they truly are. So why is anyone surprised by the outcome here?

Who did you think was going to step up and cash in some bearer bonds to purchase a rap LP in a hand-carved silver box, Jesse Jackson? Whoever it was, it wasn’t going to be an actual fan of the music. This is collector-scum territory; these people don’t care what they are acquiring, only that they are acquiring it instead of someone else. That is the definition of a douche move.

The group claims that they are trying to start a discussion about the value of music. What they are really doing is trying to move into the realm of Rich Asshole Art. Art dealers around the world have been living the fabulous life for centuries by convincing bored, rich people that spending mass sums of money on a unique “masterpiece” will equate to personality-by-osmosis. Wealthy fucktards who have nothing better to do than worry about one-upping their cohorts at the country club are the backbone of the “fine art” business. But that has nothing to do with art or artistic merit and neither does the inflated value of said “art”. It’s a scam, a con job.


To you this looks like dick doodles but to a gullible trust fund baby it’s a status symbol

So great job by Wu Tang Clan; convincing a bunch of uptight white billionaires to haggle over a rap album is funny as hell, but it’s not really much of a statement on the value of music as an art form. But I guess it will help them to get lots of middle-class folks to shell out $30 a piece for a one-time listening of the album – on HEADPHONES, oooohhh! (I’m sure they’ll get themselves a bidding war from corporate douche bags for the right to be the Official Headphone.) Let’s face it, all middle class douche bags aspire to one day be upper class douche bags so I’m sure frat boys will be lining up for tickets.

And if there is anyone who is truly pissed off about this situation I’m sure it’s Kanye West for not thinking of it first.


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